Friday, June 25, 2010


I think every Friday I'll have a list. Firstly, because I love lists. Secondly, because it will make my blogging more consistent. Today's list will respond to last Friday's list.

Successes I had this week:
1. I went to the gym twice. Once for a class and once for cardio.
2. I responded to my friends and family that texted, called and e-mailed me this week. I spent quality time with a few close friends instead of spending quality time in bed.
3. I e-mailed about joining a Bible study group at my church.
4. I made an appointment with a psychiatrist and my therapist both for next week.
5. I cooked healthy foods and ate them.

I'm having this internal battle. I want to be able to say I am okay, I am perfectly fine, I can wake up tomorrow with no depression, no need for therapy or medicine, I can live a normal life tomorrow. Because the other option feels like sinking into depression and succumbing to it. How can I get on a healing path? How can I allow myself to start healing instead of trying to jump to the other side or anchor myself under this cloud? Especially when the cloud feels more comforting and stable than a healed life.

I have a seemingly good weekend planned. It involves a lot of socializing. My prayer right now is that I can enjoy the people God has put in my life and let them love and bless me instead of getting anxious, paranoid and retreating.

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