blessed

I used to get really offended when I told people I was sad and they found it necessary to point out the "real" suffering in the world. Actually, I would still probably find this offensive, or just insensitive. But today I feel like it's been a blessing to spend some time knowing that there is a lot of real, hard, physical suffering in the world.

It made me think about how hard it is to know that God is in control of all of that. The next thing I think about is the truth that I know from my own life. When things look bleak, when I'm depressed and full of shame and sinfulness, it is because we humans are sinful and our sin caused this world to be broken. Additionally, God doesn't call us to sit there and get mad and yell at him about it. We might do that for a while, but eventually we have to get proactive. God gives us tools. He gives us the strength to use those tools. People have to start orphanages and adopt children and raise money and build homes. I had to see a therapist and a psychiatrist and force myself out of bed and keep a journal.

I don't really know if these thoughts are making sense. I just feel somewhat good today, and I'm happy. I think it's a mixture of an improved perspective, some lifestyle changes, prayer, antidepressants, and the people God has given me that love me well. I'm learning, finally, I think, that my identity doesn't lie in anything but Christ, and in Christ, I am clean and righteous and can do good things. I've learned this for a long time, but it's sticking better.