Lately, a lot of my friends have given in to God in HUGE ways and decided to say yes in hard, scary situations. Mine is not as big as theirs, their decisions to move overseas and get married or not get married or tell someone about Jesus, etc. But I finally did something today.
I won't say God told me to do this. I will say that He placed an opportunity in front of me. He's done this before. It was a few months ago, and I pussyfooted around long enough that I just never obeyed, and ended up staying in the job I'd been doing and not loving.
Then someone e-mailed me about a job. A potential dream job. But I said "I can't do that. If I do that, I'm choosing a path for my life. I don't want to choose a path for my life." This, I think, is my depression talking. I'm not good enough to choose a path. I'm not good enough to be successful in something I actually love. I need more schooling, more personality, more good looks.
But today I walked into work and I looked around and I realized: "This is a nice place with nice people but I'm not excited to come here. It pays the bills. It doesn't hurt me. I can stay here. But why don't I at LEAST try to get my dream job?" And then I wrote a cover letter, updated my resume and sent off an application.
It would be awesome if this was God's plan for me and I got the job. But even if I don't... I think I'll be a little less scared next time a door opens. I want to run through doors God opens for me, not look at them and spin around in circles and make excuses. I beg God for direction, for answers, for a reason to live. Then he puts one in front of me and I ignore it? That's stupidity, and depression.
I feel so free right now. Thank you, Jesus.