Clearly, that last post was written when I was in quite the bad place. Lesson learned: alcohol + antidepressants don't mix. And when you get home after drinking too much and you just want to go to sleep... don't take your sleeping pill. I guess my judgment was impaired beyond belief.
Thankfully, I was wrong, and I did have a friend that cared and knew what was happening when I called and came over to save me from myself. And the next day, the day I was so scared of, was terrible at first. But I opened up to another friend and I let people love me and pray over me and I felt better. I did.
I woke up depressed again this morning. I was supposed to go volunteer but I didn't want to. I felt worthless and selfish and angry. I felt suicidal. But my friend was in the other room and she cared, and another friend sent a text right then saying she prayed for me. These are both people I met in the last two weeks. Our God is an amazing provider. I'm about to cry, sitting in this coffeeshop, just thinking about how present He is and how much He loves me to have brought these people to me. Even though I hurt and I'm depressed, I am thankful at least for that.
I've been reading the Psalms since January with very little consistency. I'm only on 18. But here's what I read yesterday:
28For it is you who light my lamp;
the LORD my God lightens my darkness.
29For by you I can run against a troop,
and by my God I can leap over a wall.
30This God—his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD proves true;
he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him. 31For who is God, but the LORD?
And who is a rock, except our God?—
32the God who equipped me with strength
and made my way blameless.
33He made my feet like the feet of a deer
and set me secure on the heights.